Monday, 6 January 2014

5 Reasons Why Boobies Aren't Cute

Bangers, funbags, jubblies. Whatever you want to call them every single one of us girls was born with a pair and the majority will have them for life. So I feel that it is necessary to weigh up the pros and cons of having boobs because, although their wonderful purpose is to sustain the life of new born babies, they come with a hefty amount of terms and conditions that we have to get used to.

#1 No Sports Bra = No Movement
If on the off chance you are presented with an activity that requires the slightest bit of physical movement then you, my well endowed friend, are out of luck. Unless you have a bit of duct tape and steel wiring to hand then it's strictly no jerky movements for you. And definitely no speed bumps without support (whether it be a bra or a quick hand to the chest) ever.

#2 Tables Can Be A Challenge
A few awkward scenarios arise when sitting at a table. Firstly it is necessary to rearrange yourself so as not to cut the twins in half when seated at said table. One would think it would be easy to place them on the surface and move on but no that would be big mistake in two ways; firstly, leaning on the table and feeling your cleavage on your chin is not fun and secondly if their is any remnants of food or spilled drink on the table then it is highly likely that you will be taking that with you when you leave. It's probably best to avoid tables at all costs.

#3 "Oh That's A Really Cute Larger Than C Cup Bra" Said No-one Ever
If you ever complain about having 'small' boobs just take a moment to think about the lovely delicate bras you can wear. I'm surprised I still have shoulders with the material they use to make the big 'uns. Oh, and avoiding wearing halter neck swimwear unless you've planned a trip to the emergency room.

#4 Lying On Your Front Is Impossible Unless You Want To Suffocate Yourself
Side, upper and under boob central.

#5 Cross-Body Shoulder Straps and Seatbelts Don't Work In Our Favour
Lol. Hello Grand Canyon.

But as I said there are obviously some positives to being bosomed:
Can put things in them when you're hands are full
Free pair of air bags
Can always count on them to catch a crisp or fly-away malteser if it ever falls out of your mouth #winning

Fun fact: the French say 'il y a du monde au balcon' to describe a good bosom. It literally translates to 'there is the world on the balcony'...romantic heh?
And finally:

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oh gosh, i get way too excited.