Forget Your Balls And Grow A Pair Of Tits

YES THEN LILY ALLEN. Thankyou for absolutely taking the piss out of the commercial music industry and standing up for feminism in a brilliantly funny way all while giving us a superb pop song at the same time. HALLELUJAH.

Tergiverser

I've been doing a lot of pre-university preparation recently and have turned to dreaming about my year abroad (hopefully in Paris) to prevent myself from getting hella stressed. I imagine myself sitting outside a restaurant on the side of a busy street, a moped helmet perched on the table that belongs to the my french guy who has just gone to buy a newspaper...hahaha anyway. Allons-y.

If you're feeling frenchy have a look at this allthingseurope because it is wonderful. Oh this also opens up the opportunity to reminisce on Mr Bean's fabulously funny French fail. This is basically what I hope to avoid:

Running On Those Vocal Chords

This makes me so happy.

STRASBOURG 2013

View from our window · Pretty night · La Cathédrale Notre-Dame · Walking bright and early · Tram stop · European Parliament · Morning introduction in the Chamber · Selfie at the EU · View from where I was sat in the afternoon · Feeling a little closer to home at an Irish pub · A DOUBLE DECKER TRAIN DUDE

I returned from a school French trip to Strasbourg on Saturday and it was rather schnazzy. We left in the ungodly hours of Thursday morning and arrived in the evening after two trains and a Eurostar...how awesome are double decker trains by the way?! It blew my mind. On our first evening we went for a walk around the city (covering about eight miles in the process) and just explored for a few hours, leading us to discover the magnificent cathedral. We even got asked whether we knew where a restaurant was by an actual real life French person so we clearly resembled des véritables Alsaciens.

On Friday, our second day, we went to the European Parliament along with 500 other students from all over Europe to be in the shoes of the members of parliament. Everyone sat at a seat in the Chamber, each equipped with an electronic voting system, microphone and headphones for the translation. I was so intrigued by the translators skill; just one woman was doing Italian, German and French translations. We started the day by listening to the presentations from each school in which they introduced themselves and their country. Everyone was taken by a young Greek guy who was the best motivational speaker the world has ever known. Although he was only supposed to be talking about his school and country, somehow he had managed to state "we have travelled over land and sea without food to be here today...Europe is a flower that needs to blossom!" into the speech. It was superb.

That evening, after exchanging a few funny words with some French people staying in our corridor ("you sleep here tonight, yes?"), we decided to relax in an Irish pub and have a few beers seen as we'd walked so much the previous evening. It was quite nice just to sit and absorb the atmosphere of the city. We were also provided with entertainment in the form a race that started just up the road. One guy flew past on a skateboard, holding a camera and all of a sudden the street filled with hundreds of people dressed in pink that were taking part in the event. Some of the men were wearing tutus with wigs and all sorts so that was fun. Although I did have the loudest hiccups after that...I think it must have been all the air I had inhaled from laughing so much.

Our final morning in Strasbourg was spent meeting some students from a nearby school for a 'fun' treasure hunt. As there was only four of us and eight of them we were each put with two French students. Myself, Quentin and Julien got off to a good start (they sang me a song, I shouted "où est le McDo?!" so we were practically besties) but it was extremely cold so we ended up getting on a tram and going to the centre for a bit of shopping, café-ing and fromagerie-ing with everyone else. Oh, their accents were fabulous by the way.

Other than the fact that our last train was delayed by 90 minutes and we ended up getting back in the first minutes of Sunday, I would say the trip was a success. I wanted to stay for a while longer to explore other areas of the city and maybe have more time to talk to the French students, as it was good to just hear casual French banter as opposed to hearing debates about immigration and the criminal justice system, but the short time we did have there was grand. I'd definitely love to go at Christmas - Kevin said it was alive at that time of year.

FKA Twigs

I am completely captivated with with the artistry of FKA twigs right now, her visuals just as much as her audio. It appears the two are a vital partnership in the London-based artist's work; both are unique, completely mesmerising and unparalleled by any artist in the vast industry that is the music business. FKA twigs acts as some sort of hypnotist to her audience, with the the audiovisual pulling the viewer into the world it has created and not ceasing to let go until the last millisecond of the song.

Papi Pacify stirs together the heavenly voice of twigs with the strumming of unconventional notes. The song really pulls you in when an intriguing melange of brassy tones and roiling beats explode in the chorus.

Water Me again juxtaposes the tenderness of the vocals with an oppressive undertone that just reels you in to see what unexpected path the music will find next. Although there still remains that otherworldly thread that is sewn through all of her work.

EP2, her debut release with Young Turks (home to Jamie xx, SBTRKT and Chairlift) and her second EP, features four songs (How's That, Papi Pacify, Water Me, Ultraviolet) as well as collaborating with producer Arca. Again, I'm completely mesmerized.

Poetry Corner: Neil Hilborn

I'm sure those of you with a tumblr will have seen a video of a bearded man in a plaid shirt passionately performing a spoken word piece entitled 'OCD'. I remember watching it and thinking "who is this man and why won't someone love me as much as he loves the subject of his poem?" Then I discovered Button Poetry and was opened up to the wonderful world of the spoken word, and of course this fine fellow named Neil Hilborn.

OCD Neil Hilborn - "I can't breathe because he only kisses her once. He doesn't care if it's perfect. I want her back so bad I leave the door unlocked."


One Colour Neil Hilborn and Renee Schminkey - "Do not confuse one story for all stories. Do not stare at a red dot and say 'the whole painting is just one colour.'"


Mating Habits Of A North American Hipster Neil Hilborn - "Observe how they keep their faces as relaxed as possible so as not to seem too invested in the activity at hand"

There isn't much that I can add to this other than professing my love for the above performances. The last is a slightly more satirical piece that is spot on, just to finish the post off. Go check out some more of Neil's work and the other fine artists on the Button Poetry youtube channel and the Button Poetry tumblr. It's well worth your time.

Leave It All In The Rearview

Objects In The Mirror Mac Miller

So obsessed with this. Displaying an endearing vocal over a gorgeous instrumental produced by Pharrell (who else could create such a delectable blend of harmonies?) I could easily listen to this all day. Aside from the wonderfulness of the music, there is also some wise lyrics in there too. Mac uses the imagery of a girl to personify the overcoming of a personal addiction.

"People love you when they on your mind. A thought is love's currency."

P.s. Totes obsessed with his Most Dope Family episodes too.

Yosh In Your Mouth

Listened to the debut album from The 1975: I thoroughly enjoyed it, I have developed a major crush on Matt Healy and I can tell you that this song is fabulous (as are the rest but, you know, there's always your favourite).

De Rouille et d'Os

This is my new favourite film ever, let alone being my favourite Frenchie. It's not just a love story, there's so much more and it's quite the emotional journey for both the characters and the viewer, underneath the surface of the drama. I was in tears at the end and, trust me, it takes a lot for a film to make me to cry when it doesn't have any animals in it. Srsly.

Starring  Marion Cotillard (girl crush alert) and Matthias Schoenaerts (just plain crush alert), the film tells the story of Ali, a father to his young son and struggling with money, who on the off chance meets Stéphanie, a killer whale trainer. An unfortunate accident leaves her with both legs amputated, shown in a painstaking scene as Marion Cotillard drags her characters body across the floor in a flood of tears. Ali, on the other hand, begins fighting for money, a dangerous hobby he loves but that can also help him financially. Over time, they develop a close relationship; Ali helps Stephanie to get back on her artificial feet and Stéphanie accompanies Ali to his fights. The film hits its climax (in my opinion) at the end when Ali's son Sam is hospitalised, suffering from a coma. Ali realises the two most important people in his life are Sam and Stéphanie. He pleads "Ne me laisse pas" to her on the phone in the only fragile moment we see of Ali's character.

Here comes the tearjerker: The film closes with a heartwrenching dialogue from Ali. Sam was hospitalised after falling through the icy surface of a lake. Ali had to punch the ice to retrieve Sam (which was a sad enough scene in itself), fracturing the bones in his hands. The dialogue says "There are 27 bones in a human hand. Some monkeys have more. A gorilla has 32, five in each thumb. A human has 27. You break an arm, you break a leg, after a while calcium joins it back together. It may even end up stronger than before. But break a bone in your hand, and you'll see it never heals. You'll remember it at each fight, with every punch. You'll be careful. But one day the pain will come back. Like needles. Like glass splinters."...Pair that with the image of son and father holding hands and The Wolves by Bon Iver playing in the background and the tears will just flow.

Let's not forget how beautiful the cinematography is as well. The lighting, the shots, the stunning performances, oh and the soundtrack by Alexandre Desplat (how could I forget?!) are all perfect. Watch the film, even if you don't know a single word in French...come on, let's not be ignorant. It is so damn good.

You Are Worth More Than a Waistline

I know girls who are trying to fit into the social norm, like squeezing into last year's prom dress

I know girls who are low rise, mac eyeshadow, and binge drinking

I know girls that wonder if they're disaster and sexy enough to fit in

I know girls who are fleeing bombs from the mosques of their skin

Playing russian roulette with death; it's never easy to accept that our bodies are fallible and flawed

But when do we draw the line? When the knife hits the skin? Isn't it the same thing as purging? Because we're so obsessed with death

Some women just have more guts than others

The funny thing is women like us don't shoot; we swallow pills, still wanting to be beautiful at the morgue

Still proceeding to put on make-up, still hoping that the mortician finds us sexy and attractive

We might as well be buried with our shoes and handbags and scarves, girls

We flirt with death everytime we etch a new tally mark into our skin

I know how to split my wrists to reveal a battlefield too

But the time has come for us to reclaim our bodies

Our bodies deserve more than to be war-torn and collateral, offering this as a pathetic means to say

"I only know how to exist when I am wanted"

Girls like us are hardly ever wanted you know

We're used up and sad and drunk and perpetually waiting by the phone for someone to pick up

And tell us that we did good

Well you did good.

(I know I am because I said am, my body is home)

So try this:

Take your hands over your bumpy lovebody naked and remember the first time you touched someone

With the sole purpose of learning all of them

Touched them because the light was pretty on them and the dust in the sunlight danced the way your heart did

Touch yourself with a purpose

Your body is the most beautiful royal

Fathers and uncles are not claiming your knife anymore, are not your razor, no, put the sharpness back

Lay your hands flat and feel the surface of scarred skin

I once touched a tree with charred limbs, the stump was still breathing but the tops were just ashy remains

I wonder what it's like to come back from that because sometimes I feel a forest fire erupting from my wrists

And the smoke signals sent out are the most beautiful things I've ever seen

Love your body the way your mother loved your baby feet and brother, arm wrapping shoulders, and remember

This is important

You are worth more than who you attract

You are worth more than a waistline

You are worth  more than beer bottles displayed like drunken artefacts

You are worth more than any naked body could proclaim in the shadows, more than a man's whim

Or your father's mistake

You are no less valuable as a size 16, than a size 4

You are no less valuable as a 32a than a 36c

Your sexiness is defined by concentric circles within your wood

It is wisdom

You are a goddamn tree stump with leaves sprouting out

Reborn

Get goosebumps every single time I listen to this. Lyrical poetry. That tree metaphor? Just a beautiful piece of work that every girl on the planet can relate to, I'm sure.

BOARDMASTERS 2013

Basically the best weekend of my life. I just love the festival atmosphere so much. Here are some pro photos from the Boardmasters site and a video that perfectly captures the atmosphere as I was too busy having a good time to take any good 'uns:

Marley Point · The Other Tribe frontman · Watergate Bay · One of the many surfers · Crowd atmosphere beats anything else in life

Ben Howard · Basement Jaxx robot · LOOK AT THE CROWD, I had no idea there was that many people

Although I was at first thinking that the music wasn't my usual taste, it was damn fabulous. The artists I got to see were Everything Everything, The Other Tribe, Bondax, Clean Bandit, Miles Kane, Basement Jaxx, Tom Odell and Ben Howard so it was a win in my eyes. I absolutely loved Bondax, the stage they were on called Marley Point was overlooking Watergate Bay so the view was gorgeous at sunset, especially with Giving It All playing. Plus, the mixing was insanely good. The other dance acts were amazing too; the lead singer in The Other Tribe was so energetic and such a legend and Clean Bandit were just sick. I also discovered that I love Tom Odell a hell of a lot after seeing how passionately he performs and by his sheer talent. Musically, the best moment was when Basement Jaxx sang happy birthday to my friend Hannah - no joke. We were getting so crushed in the crowd (we were literally right in the middle on that last picture) but as soon as they announced happy birthday we were practically crying with excitement. She just got up onto some guys shoulders and the whole crowd was singing to her, it was so insane.

The festival was sat right above Watergate Bay so we spent two days chilling there. The waves were so good to swim in and obviously attracted all the surfers. I remember on the Sunday evening just lying on the grass next to the beach and listening to an acoustic set being played in a nearby bar; it was so relaxing, everywhere and everyone was so chill. I also remember falling in the sea with all my clothes on...the water was only shin deep, like how is that even possible? At least the lifeguard had something to laugh about.

All in all, it was such a good festival experience and I would most definitely recommend anyone to go. There is such a wide range of music that there would be at least one act that you loved. The setting was beautiful, the people were amazing (there were some right characters!) and me and my friend Meghan bagged ourselves some surfers...which is basically our only goal in life. One thing I would suggest if you do go though is to not get absolutely spangled and cover yourself in neon paint and fall on your ankle and cut your leg the night before the 10 hour bus journey home. It ain't cute. Especially when there is a hot stranger sat next to you, probably thinking you are some raving sloth.

P.s. 'spangled' is now my new favourite word

Picasso Baby: A Performance Art Film

Ah, this is grand. Jay Z's video for Picasso Baby, the second track from MCHG, shows the biggest rapper alive performing to a room full of artists from all corners; musicians, actors, dancers, artists, performers. "What do you do with that energy? You know, so today it's kind of an exchange. You have somebody to drop it back off." It evokes such a sense of unity between these people that, although completely different in many aspects, all live to create art. "We are artists. We are alike. We are cousins. That's what is exciting for me, bringing the worlds back together." It's so interesting watching the various reactions people have. I love it so much.

P.s. Did you spot Adam Driver, the guy who plays my favourite character in Girls?
P.p.s When is Girls returning? I'm having withdrawals.

Julystagram

Cave Rave · Passed! · Lake Garda

Venice · Arena di Verona · My lover

This month mainly revolved around Italy and it was fabulous. I'm missing the sunshine now though, as I sit staring at the sodden garden that the rain has caused. Boo.

I also passed my driving test! You should all definitely be wearing a seatbelt now I'm allowed out. My mum has let me have a few test runs in her car which was a lot different to the one I learned to drive in, let me tell ya. It was hilarious to see her clinging onto the door handle when I first took her out.

I don't have much else to report really. I'm filling in my summer holidays with lots of reading and language learning and lying outside whenever the slightest beam of sunshine manages to break through the clouds. I really don't want my Italian glow to fade, everything is so much better when you don't glow in the dark.

Said I Had A Dirty Mouth

I'm sorry, I thought I could stop myself but my inner fangirl is screaming "TELL THE WORLD" right now. I'm pretty sure most of you will have already seen this video if you love One Direction (and if you don't, I don't know what kind of sick world you're living in) but I'm going to post it anyway and we can all get our obsession on.

Firstly, is it just me or are all of them pretty nifty actors? Like when did this happen? Louis and Niall are the perfect double act in those fat suits behind their desks and Liam aka Leeroy proves he's a triple threat with those camp-tastic moves. I admit that Harry is my favourite and always has been so naturally I love his geeky character of Marcel just as much (too much)...aww how cut is it when he fumbles in with his equipment. But obviously all of the characters are hilarious, particularly Zayn as a girl (he's even prettier than half of the female population!). Finally, the dance sequence with all of the boys makes me way happier than necessary.

I would say 1D are my guilty pleasure but, let's be honest, there isn't anything guilty about it. I can't imagine how anyone is going to cope with the 90 minute film This Is Us. I'll probably see it twenty times.

p.s. James Corden and Ben Winston, you geniuses.

Italy #3: Verona

VERONA

Pretty building in Piazza Erbe · Paintings · Casa di Giulietta · Shakespeare quote · Lover's wall · Arena di Verona · Inside the amphitheatre · View of Piazza Bra from the arena

Last instalment of my Italy trip! As you can see, the architecture of Verona is beautiful. However, it is quite varied as the buildings range from the Scaligeri ruling in the 1300's all the way to present day. An architectural pick 'n' mix, if you will. Arriving in Piazza Bra, the Arena di Verona immediately caught my eye with its grand presence looming over the square. Currently only the internal wall and a part of the second, external wall remains.

Second stop was Piazza Erbe, full of little market stalls and ristorantes. I loved the colourful buildings in this square, some even had paintings on the side. Everywhere in Verona is just so romantic. On the topic of romance, 'Juliet's Balcony' is situated in the city as well as 'Romeo's house'. I use inverted commas because, although it is true that the Montagues and Capulets were real families living in Verona, the houses were chosen at random - the balcony was even built on just for us tourist's delight! It was so cute to see all the padlocks and tags of lovers names surrounding the house. There was also a statue of juliet in the courtyard where the balcony was and apparently if you touch her right breast with your right hand you will be lucky in love and if you touch her left breast with your left hand you will have luck in money BUT you cannot have both. I thought that was cute.

I also got to go into the amphitheatre later in the day and it was grand. The view it gives you, not only of Piazza Bra but also of the inside of the arena, was amazing. I can't imagine how fabulous it would be to watch an opera or a concert inside, the acoustics would be like nowhere else. Even just sat in the square outside you could probably enjoy the concert just as much.

Lastly, I just want to share a hilarious quote I heard as I was walking through the square. Basically there was a guy asking people to sign signatures for some sort of anti-drugs campaign. Upon being asked, this guy of about twenty just replies "I'm from Holland, that would be kind of counter-productive" How fucking brilliant was that.

Yeah so I'm basically in love with Italy.
Have you guys ever been and did you love it as much as me? (that would be a lot)

Italy #1: Lake Garda, Italy#2: Venice

Italy # 2: Venice

VENEZIA

Piazza San Marco · Gondolas · Lovely blue water · Markets on the waterside · Bridge of Sighs · Me being sassy

Okay, before I tell you about how beautiful the city of Venezia is, it was damn hot. I stepped off the boat and just about melted. You could just feel the sun entering every pore of your body. Aside from that, I thought the place itself was beautiful, it's unlike anywhere I've ever been before in terms of structure and architecture. The water was a lovely, clean shade of blue and the bridges (there's over 400 of them!)  gave great view down the canals between the tightly packed houses. You could basically kiss your neighbour if you wanted to. On the topic of bridges, one of my pictures is of the 'Bridge of Sighs'. The bridge links the Doge's Palace and a prison so the name comes from the prisoner's sighs as they took their last view of Venice before being sentenced. I thought that was a pretty fun fact.

I went on a lagoon tour that introduced us to the other islands within the region too - I had no idea there were so many! Only one island, Lido di Venezia, allows cars and road traffic whereas all the others do not; people rely on water transport or their feet to go places. It was weird to see locals just canoeing or boating between islands as part of their daily life.

So, in general it's a big thumbs up for Venice. Although the heat and the sheer amount of people was a bit distracting, the place is beautiful. I'd love to go in the evening, or have more time to explore some of the quieter backstreets.

p.s. who's watched One Direction's latest video? I just don't understand how you cannot love 'em.

Italy #1: Lake Garda, Italy #3: Verona