5 Reasons Why Boobies Aren't Cute

Bangers, funbags, jubblies. Whatever you want to call them every single one of us girls was born with a pair and the majority will have them for life. So I feel that it is necessary to weigh up the pros and cons of having boobs because, although their wonderful purpose is to sustain the life of new born babies, they come with a hefty amount of terms and conditions that we have to get used to.

#1 No Sports Bra = No Movement
If on the off chance you are presented with an activity that requires the slightest bit of physical movement then you, my well endowed friend, are out of luck. Unless you have a bit of duct tape and steel wiring to hand then it's strictly no jerky movements for you. And definitely no speed bumps without support (whether it be a bra or a quick hand to the chest) ever.

#2 Tables Can Be A Challenge
A few awkward scenarios arise when sitting at a table. Firstly it is necessary to rearrange yourself so as not to cut the twins in half when seated at said table. One would think it would be easy to place them on the surface and move on but no that would be big mistake in two ways; firstly, leaning on the table and feeling your cleavage on your chin is not fun and secondly if their is any remnants of food or spilled drink on the table then it is highly likely that you will be taking that with you when you leave. It's probably best to avoid tables at all costs.

#3 "Oh That's A Really Cute Larger Than C Cup Bra" Said No-one Ever
If you ever complain about having 'small' boobs just take a moment to think about the lovely delicate bras you can wear. I'm surprised I still have shoulders with the material they use to make the big 'uns. Oh, and avoiding wearing halter neck swimwear unless you've planned a trip to the emergency room.

#4 Lying On Your Front Is Impossible Unless You Want To Suffocate Yourself
Side, upper and under boob central.

#5 Cross-Body Shoulder Straps and Seatbelts Don't Work In Our Favour
Lol. Hello Grand Canyon.

But as I said there are obviously some positives to being bosomed:
Can put things in them when you're hands are full
Free pair of air bags
Can always count on them to catch a crisp or fly-away malteser if it ever falls out of your mouth #winning

Fun fact: the French say 'il y a du monde au balcon' to describe a good bosom. It literally translates to 'there is the world on the balcony'...romantic heh?
And finally:

Travesty, Horror, Decadence, Excrement

Well hello my long lost chums! Since my last post in November I have turned eighteen, received two uni offers and one interview, had a lovely food-filled christmas and celebrated the start of 2014 with my Tanzania pals - one of whom I hadn't seen since our tearful goodbye at the airport a year and a half ago. So I've been busy! But I've also watched a shit load of films during this festive period and I'm going to share a few quotes from one of my favourites (if we're disregarding Elf, that is).

Mr Keating: Now let me dispel a few rumours before they fester into facts. Yes, I too attended Hell-ton and survived. And no, at that time I was not the mental giant you see before you.

Pitts: "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, old time is still a flying. And this same flower that smiles today tomorrow will be dying." (To The Virgins To Make Much Of Time / Robert Herrick)

Mr Keating: [Looking at alumni] Because you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilising daffodils.

Mr Keating: Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are all noble pursuits, and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for...That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

McAllister: You take a big risk encouraging them to be artists John. When they realise they're not Rembrandts, Shakespeares or Mozarts, they'll hate you for it.
Mr Keating: We're not talking artists George, we're talking free thinkers.

Neil: [quoting Henry David Thoreau] "I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...To put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived."

Mr Keating: A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. And don't use very sad, use...come on Mr Overstreet, you twerp
Overstreet: Morose?
Mr Keating: Exactly! Morose. Now, language was developed for one endeavour and that is - Mr Anderson? Come on, are you a man or an amoeba? Mr Perry?
Perry: To communicate
Mr Keating: No! Too woo women!

[Keating stands on his desk]
Mr Keating: Why do I stand up here? Anybody?
Dalton: To feel taller!
Mr Keating: No!
[Dings a bell with his foot]
Mr Keating: Thank you for playing, Mr Dalton. I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.

Mr Keating: Boys, you must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all.

Mr Keating: We're not laughing at you, we're laughing near you.

Mr Keating: Robert Frost said, "Two roads diverged in the wood and I, I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference."

Mr Keating: There is a time for daring and a time for caution and a wise man understands which is called for.

I suppose I loved Dead Poets Society because it displays a rebellion against uniformed structures and shows the importance of creativity and free thinking, instead of regurgitating what others feed you. In regards to 2014, one of my goals is to express my opinion more often whenever I don't agree with something because too often I just act as a spectator without "contributing a verse". I feel that my confidence has grown hugely this past year with the different things I've done but I just need to push myself that little bit more to have my opinion heard and not wait to be asked for it. The film is actually really funny in parts too, Robin Williams plays his character so well.

P.s. totally in love with Charlie actually it's Nuwanda.

Forget Your Balls And Grow A Pair Of Tits

YES THEN LILY ALLEN. Thankyou for absolutely taking the piss out of the commercial music industry and standing up for feminism in a brilliantly funny way all while giving us a superb pop song at the same time. HALLELUJAH.

Tergiverser

I've been doing a lot of pre-university preparation recently and have turned to dreaming about my year abroad (hopefully in Paris) to prevent myself from getting hella stressed. I imagine myself sitting outside a restaurant on the side of a busy street, a moped helmet perched on the table that belongs to the my french guy who has just gone to buy a newspaper...hahaha anyway. Allons-y.

If you're feeling frenchy have a look at this allthingseurope because it is wonderful. Oh this also opens up the opportunity to reminisce on Mr Bean's fabulously funny French fail. This is basically what I hope to avoid: